In a world where 30-sec reels, crazy video antics and celebrity glorification seem part-and-parcel of the lives of many teens, I wonder how much are our teens connected to real life, the life that is actually happening in front their eyes. Is their empathy reserved for failed celebrity divorces, life hacks gone wrong and influencers?
Empathy goes beyond just being nice to someone; it's the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It's a fundamental skill that shapes our social interactions, problem-solving abilities, and overall happiness. What else can we do as parents and caregivers to nurture this essential trait in our teens?
Why Empathy Matters
Worrying about this, I did some research and learnt some compelling reasons why we should persevere in connecting with our teens, so that they may connect off-screen with others:
Empathy catalyses courage: Studies show that early adolescents with higher levels of empathy are more likely to stand up to bullies in defence of others, even outside their friend group.
Empathy contributes to happiness: Empathetic individuals tend to have stronger social relationships, collaborate better, and thrive in team environments.
Empathy aids in conflict resolution and problem-solving: The ability to put oneself in another's shoes is central to compassionate problem-solving, a skill crucial for navigating complex social and global issues.
Empathy discourages prejudice and bullying: Through building empathy, people reduce their prejudice and are less likely to bully. And we hope that teens are kind to each other on- and offline, too.
Understanding Teen Empathy Development
It's important to recognise that empathy in teens is still developing. Research from Utrecht University has shown that:
In girls, cognitive empathy (understanding others' perspectives) sees a rise from age 13, while affective empathy (responding to others' emotions) remains relatively stable.
In boys, cognitive empathy starts increasing from age 15, with a temporary dip in affective empathy between 13 and 16 years old.
This developmental trajectory explains why teens might sometimes struggle with empathy, especially in early adolescence.
Strategies for Nurturing Empathy in Teens
Model empathy: Demonstrate empathetic behaviour in your daily life. Share stories of times when you showed empathy or when others showed empathy to you. OK, storytelling is great but no teens like their parents moralising so we can temper it down a tad, and nothing beats monkey see, monkey do, monkey learns.
Discuss current events: Engage your teen in conversations about news stories, asking them to consider how the people involved might feel. It might be hard for them to grasp certain concepts and ideas but be patient and kind. Accept their opinions, too.
Analyse fictional scenarios: Use TV shows or books as a springboard for discussions about characters' motivations and feelings. My daughter and I truly enjoy this and sometimes it turns into a mini debate of sorts.
Encourage diverse friendships: Teens who form relationships across different backgrounds naturally consider varied perspectives more often. We can't manufacture friendship groups but as parents, if we have a diverse group of friends, then that speaks loads to your children.
Promote volunteering: Engaging in community service can help teens understand others' experiences and needs. Schools do offer these but nothing beats community work as a family.
Practice active listening: Teach your teen to truly listen to others without immediately jumping to solutions or judgments. And this boils down to us as parents, too. Do we actively listen or listen to criticise, contradict and give our opinion?
Cultivate emotional intelligence: Help your teen identify and express their own emotions, which can enhance their ability to recognise emotions in others. For many of us, we either suppress our emotions or identify them as sad vs happy, mad vs calm. But psychologist, Robert Plutchik's Emotion Wheel, shows us that we can learn to pinpoint more emotions to better understand emotions in ourselves and in others. Sometimes teens may appear aloof when they're actually overwhelmed by emotions. Providing them space to process and respond after a discussion or emotional situation will allow them to think for themselves a little more.
Overcoming Challenges
Like any skill or thinking routine, developing empathy is a process. Boys, in particular, may face social pressures that discourage showing empathy. Be patient and consistent in your approach, and celebrate small victories.
Raising empathetic teens is a challenging but rewarding endeavour. By consistently modelling empathy, engaging in meaningful discussions, and providing opportunities for diverse experiences, we can help our teens develop this crucial skill. Remember, the goal is progress, not perfection. Every small step towards greater empathy is a step towards a more compassionate and understanding world.
As parents and caregivers, we may feel overwhelmed and sometimes anxious about our parenting. If you need to talk or want an understanding community, join us at any of our community events or email vannessa@cascadetrainteachlearn.com
Comments