The Hidden Mental Load: Why Parents Feel Alone and How to Get Support

A Conscious Parenting Circle Webinar Series

Thank you to founder of Empowa and creator of the How to Build Your Village keynote., Kathy Rougier for sharing with us during a Conscious Conversations with Vannessa hosted on the Cascade Conscious Community platform in August 2026.

Kathy Rougier, Founder of Empowa

We love to tell parents, "It takes a village."

The problem is that we rarely explain where that village is supposed to come from. For previous generations, support was often built into everyday life. Families lived closer together. Households were larger. Children played with neighbours. People knew who they could call when they needed another pair of hands.

Modern life looks very different.

We move countries and cities. We work long hours. Families are spread across the world. Our communities increasingly exist behind screens. And yet we still expect parents - particularly mums - to somehow know how to manage a baby, a home, a career, relationships and themselves.

You were never supposed to do all of this alone.

Before becoming a Postpartum Doula and community builder, I spent years working in corporate environments. And one of the most useful things I have brought from that world into my work with families is surprisingly simple: stakeholder mapping. If you were handed an important project at work, you wouldn't expect yourself to be the legal expert, finance expert, designer, strategist and operational team all at once. You would identify who you needed and bring the right people in.

Why don't we do the same with parenthood?

I encourage parents to think about their village across five areas.

1. Other parents. Who understands the stage of life you are currently navigating? Who can listen, share experience and help you distinguish between what is common and what actually works for your family?

2. Playdates and respite. Who could safely give you a little breathing room? Who could collect your child, arrange a playdate or step in when the day doesn't go according to plan?

3. Partners. This includes the people in your life with whom responsibility can genuinely be shared - not simply the people who care about you.

4. Professionals. Your village does not become less valuable because some of it is paid for. Doctors, doulas, lactation professionals, therapists, coaches, childcare providers and other specialists can all be important parts of a modern support network.

5. Passion. Who helps you remember who you are outside parenthood? The friend you walk with. The people you exercise with. Your book club. Your colleagues. The people and activities that still make you feel like you.

Then write down actual names. That is the important part.

"I have no village" can feel enormous and impossible to solve. "I need someone who could collect my child on Thursday if my meeting overruns" is a problem you can start planning for.

And perhaps we need to rethink what a village looks like altogether. It does not have to be a large group of lifelong friends or relatives living around the corner. It can be a deliberately constructed network of different people fulfilling different roles.

The goal isn't to build a perfect village.

It is to know, before you desperately need them, who your people are.

Being in a room that “gets” you can shift everything.

Step into a room that is there to support you, empower you and be that village. Join us in our next Community Call. It's a conscious parenting‑informed gathering for community, connection and wellbeing.

You can also explore my Conscious Parenting Circle events to deepen your support village in a way that honours both your brain and your heart.